Never Leave Me
by Shatteredsand
Summary: She left him. What? No. Jade doesn't leave him. She can't. He needs her. They're BeckandJade and JadeandBeck, and they can't be broken. They just can't be.
1. Please Don't Let Me Go

**AN: Just a nice little alternative to Jade Dumps Beck where Jade isn't the only one falling apart. Because seriously? You don't date someone for two years, love them, and feel _nothing _when you break up.**

**Summary: She left him. What? No. Jade doesn't leave him. She can't. He needs her. They're BeckandJade and JadeandBeck and they **_**can't **_**be broken. **

**Warnings: Language**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Or this would be "Jade Dumps Beck".**

**Chapter One  
****Please Don't Let Me Go**

"We're _done_."

What?

"You're breaking up with me?" I have to ask. I heard the words but they don't make sense. Done? Not possible. We're BeckandJade and JadeandBeck, and I need her like I need air to breathe.

"Yeah." She storms away. "I am."

What?

"You're being ridiculous!" I shout after her. Play cool and collected, play the roles cast. Stay in character and maybe she'll come back. She has to come back.

"What do you care? I'm not your girlfriend anymore!" She screams. So angry. So sad. So already gone.

What?

I can't breathe. She left. She walked away and _left_. Everything holding me up collapses and I fall heavily against the lockers. I still can't breathe.

Tori is saying something, all worried and concerned, and I can't _breathe_. I'm sucking in huge lungfuls of air, but it's not working right because I'm still sufficating.

She left.

Jade left.

_Jade left me_.

This isn't supposed to happen. We fight, we talk, we make it all better again. We don't _break up_. Jade doesn't _leave_.

The bell rings its staggered jingle, and Tori grabs my wrist, tries to drag me to Sikowitz's class. No. No, no, no, _NO_! I have to stay right here. Jade doesn't leave. Not for long.

She _always _come back.

She doesn't _leave _me.

"I have to be here when she comes back." The words tumble from my lips, and Tori looks at me like I've lost my mind. Maybe I have. Maybe Jade took it with her when she took my heart.

"Beck..." Tori says quietly. "Jade's not coming back. She broke up with you."

I jerk my hand out of he grasp as if burned. We're BeckandJade and JadeandBeck, and Tori doesn't know what the hell she's talking about.

"She's just mad." I say, and there's no emotion in my voice because my heart _walked away_. "She'll come back." I'm convincing myself more than Tori, but Tori doesn't matter. She's not _Jade_, so she doesn't matter at all. "She _has _to come back."

"Beck..."

"Go to class, Tori." I can't deal with her right now. Can't handle her pity and her soft chocolate eyes that say _I'm sorry _without words. Can't handle any of this. I have to wait for Jade. I have to _fix _this.

Because we can't be broken. It's just not possible.

I love her too much.

* * *

Jade didn't come back.

I stood there until dismissal.

I stood there until detention let out.

I stood there until all the teachers left and the janitor came in to clean.

I stood there until the janitor was leaving and _forced _me to move.

And Jade didn't. Come. _Back_.

Jade left.

She just...left me.

I stare blankly at my trembling hands. What am I supposed to do now?

* * *

Yoga is stupid. Yoga is pointless. Why am I even here? None of this matters because Jade _left_.

And she still hasn't come back.

And I still can't breathe.

I go through the motions. But I can't feel anything. There is no tension to be ease. No stress to relieve. No rage to calm. Just the empty void that her absence has left in me. I can't feel without my heart, and it's gone.

_She's _gone.

Alyssa Vaughn tries to talk to me, wants to give me a ride to school or something. Suddenly I remember that _she's _the reason Jade left. Her and her text messages. Her and her pretty face posing next to mine as the cameras flash. Her holding me in place saying it'll look worse if I'm running away. And, oh, _there's _that rage I was looking for earlier.

But I hold it in. Gotta keep up the facade. Beck, Mr. Affable, Mr. Completely Unaffected, gotta bottle that all back inside. Because Jade left and there's no one left to pick up the pieces if I break.

She left me. She left me. She left me. She left me. She left left me. She left me. She left me. She left me. She left me.

_She left me_.

How could she leave me?


	2. I Don't Know Who I Am When You're Gone

**AN: I don't know why but I really like writting desperate-needy Beck. He's just so calm all the time on the show that it's fun to write him losing control, I guess. Please, please review? I need more excuses to smile like a demented chesure cat...**

**Warnings: Language**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious.**

**Chapter Two  
****I Don't Know Who I Am When You're Gone**

Jade's not here. I'm sitting here in one class or another, and Jade's not here. I'm sitting here, playing unruffable like I'm supposed to, and she's _not here_. I want to see her. Even if she won't talk to me. Even if she hates me.

I just want to see her.

Well, okay, that's a lie. What I want is to slam her up against the nearest solid surface, look her in the eye, tell her I love her so damn much it _hurts_, and then kiss her until we're drowning. Until we're BeckandJade again.

Of course she broke up with me. For real this time. So she'd probably kick me in the balls the moment I touched her, but still. I have to try, right? And keep trying. Until she takes me back. She has to take me back. And I know I'm starting to sound like creepy-can't-move-on guy but I don't really give a damn.

I _can't _move on.

* * *

I corner Cat after class. Neither of them would ever admit it, because when Jadelyn August West threatens her even Cat can remember to keep her mouth shut, but she's Jade's best friend. She can tell me what kind of game Jade's playing right now. Why she left me. How she could leave me. How to fix this. Because I _have _to fix it.

"Hey, Beck!" She greets cheerily. Now there are two ways I can do this. I can be an ass and manipulate Cat's good intentions and child-like innocence until she accidently reveals something she shouldn't. Or I can be a complete bastard and intimidate the poor girl until she tells me what I want to know.

The first option is probably best. Even as out of sync as I am without Jade by my side, I don't think I could coerce Cat to do anything. I love her like a kid sister, and I can't stand to see her cry. Let alone, _make _her cry.

"Where's Jade?" This is a warm up question, really. Jade is probably at home right now. There aren't a whole lot of other places she could go during school hours. But I need to know how hard I'm going to have to push.

"Uh..." She hesitates, eyes all wide and innocent. "Did I tell you about my-"

"Cat." I cut her off, hands clamping down on her shoulders. I'm not playing the distraction game. Not now. This is too important. "Where. Is. Jade."

"I don't want to tell you!" Cat cries. Loudly. I can feel the curious eyes of our classmates, but I can't bring myself to care.

"Tell me!" I'm shouting, I _never _shout, but I can't stop. And my grip is tightening so much I know it has to hurt, I'd _never _hurt Cat, but I can't let go. She _knows _why this is happening, and I _don't_, and she has to _tell me_.

"No! You'll make her cry again!" And _Cat's _crying. I made Cat cry. Why did I do that? I love Cat. I should stop. I should just _stop_. Because who the hell is this? I wouldn't do that. I _couldn't _do that. I'm Beck, and I'm Mr. Cool and Collected, and _nothing _affects me. I don't do this. I don't scream and shout at the sweetest girl in the history of ever, and I don't make the people I care about cry.

Andre is pulling me off her. Hadn't I let go? I meant to let go. Robbie is glaring like I've just killed his puppy. I didn't, but I made his, their, _our _Cat cry, and that's so much worse. Tori is looking at me like she's never seen me before. Because she's never seen me this way. She's never seen me without my Jade, without my heart. Isn't everyone a monster without their heart? And it doesn't matter because I'm running.

* * *

_You'll make her cry again!_

The words echo in repeat over and over again in my head. Cat's tears burn my memory like acid. Andre and Robbie's rage boils beneath my veins until I feel sick. Tori's disbeliving shock stings with electricity. Who the hell _am _I?

_You'll make her cry again!_

I don't know where I'm going. I'm just going. Going. Gone. I'm lost because it doesn't matter where I am, I still won't know how to be Beck without Jade.

The tears I haven't let myself shed are falling now. And, _no_. No, no, no, no, no. Because if I cry then it's really _over_. If I cry then she's really _gone _this time. If I cry it means she's _not _coming back. And it's not; she's not; she will.

But the tears won't stop. They slash down my cheeks, while broken sobs force their way through my lips. My chest aches and burns and throbs.

And I'm crying.

And it's _over_.

And she's _gone_.

And I'm running.

Because everything is a goddamned _lie_.


	3. Never Leave Me

**AN: Last Chapter, though I might be convinced to post an epilogue and/or sequel/companion if I get 20 reviews.**

**Warnings: Language, **_**angry **_**lemon**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "Victorious"**

**Chapter Three  
****Never Leave Me**

I'm at her house. I'm not really sure how I got here, but I'm at her house. I shouldn't be here. It's her house, and we broke up, and I shouldn't be here. But I am. I'm here, and I'm pounding on the door because no. Okay? Just _no_.

The door swings open, and she's expecting _anyone _but _me. _It's written all over her face. But I don't care because she broke us, and we're not supposed to be broken. We're BeckandJade and JadeandBeck, not Beck/ and /Jade, not Jade/ and /Beck. We can't be broken.

I grab her. My grip is too tight, too tight, too tight, and I'm crashing my lips to hers. Because I love her and we can't be over. We can't. And if she pushes me away, I'll die. I don't want to live without her. Ever.

I _can't_.

But she's kissing me back. Just as desperately as I'm kissing her. Her hands fist in my shirt and hair, pull me closer, closer, closer. My hands are on her hips, and there will be bruises later, but it doesn't even matter because she's not close enough. I raise a hand, tangle it in her dark hair, force the kiss deeper, and she's not close enough. I can feel her lungs straining and her heart thundering, and we're drowning in each other, and she's _not close enough_.

I'm pushing and she's pulling and we're inside. I kick the door shut and slam her into it, and she's not close enough. I pick her up, her thighs wrapping around my hips, and she's not fucking close enough. A flurry of hands on zippers. Her hands and my hands, and it doesn't even matter because we're yanking off pants and shirts and underwear. And we're in her goddamned living room against her front door, and it doesn't fucking _matter_.

I'm pounding into her, all passion and possession and _how could you leave me_? And she's clutching onto my back, all need and ownership and _I didn't mean it_. She's moaning my name, a frantic mantra. I'm growling hers, desperate and wanting. And we can't get enough because we're BeckandJade, and this is the way it's _supposed _to be. Forever.

I feel her black nails dig-dig-digging in and my blood drip-drip-dripping down my back. Then she's coming, clenching around me tightly and gasping out my name like a fucking prayer. I ride her through it, draw out every second of pleasure until she's collapsing, spent, against me. And I let go, fall into oblivion with her name heavy on my tongue.

My knees buckle, and we fall. A random splaying of limbs tangled together in Jade's living room. And I'm still inside her because we're both too exhausted to even think about moving. We're still trembling with aftershocks, and I'm wrapping my arms around her. We're still panting, our chests heaving with the effort of just _breathing_, and I'm kissing her softer than ever before.

"Never leave me again." I whisper against her lips.

"Never." She agrees.

**AN2: I know a couple of you wanted the rejection scene, but it didn't flow with this story at all. Beck is falling apart way too fast to be able to even pretend that he's glad Jade left him. And in his current state he couldn't reject her. So it doesn't happen. Sorry. I might one-shot it? If you guys really want me to? Let me know.**


	4. Stay With Me Always

**AN: FLUFF. Thought I owed it to you guys after the last three chapters of angst. So enjoy. And, yes, I'm aware I specified _20 _reviews, and yet I'm updating with a measly _18_. Why, you may ask? Because, dear reader, I am WEAK. And I really kinda wanted to publish this epilogue. Now I hate myself for not being able to say no. I hope everyone who didn't review is happy with themselves. So very happy...**

**Warnings: Language**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "Victorious".**

**Epilogue  
****Stay With Me Always**

This moment? The one where Jade is snuggling closer to me and my whole body aches in the best possible way? Yeah, it's fucking perfect.

"Hey, Jade..." I'm starting to realize something kind of important. "We had sex against your front door."

"Mmhmm." She hums quietly, and I can feel the smirk twisting her lips. "And on the living room floor. And on the stairs. And in the hall. And right here. Twice."

What? I'm sixteen, I'm a guy, my girlfriend is hot as hell, and angry make-up sex is _awesome_. Don't judge.

"Yeah, but I think I left my pants, _and everything else_, down there."

"Planning on leaving?" And she's so _smug _because she knows that I'm not. And who in their right mind would? Hello, gorgeous girl that I love in my arms right now. Why would I want to be anywhere else?

"No. Planning on not getting murdered when your parents come home." This is a real concern. Last time her parents came home while we were post coital, her mom threw me out, _naked_, while her father went to get his gun. _That _was an uncomfortable drive home.

"They're in Europe, remember?"She's drawing little shapes absently on my chest with her fingertips. "Skiing or something. All week."

"You want me to stay?" The question is practically rhetorical. Jade hates to be alone in this big, empty house.

"Always." A frightened whisper because Jade has always been scared to feel anything. Terrified of needing anyone. Of needing _me_.

"Then I'll never leave." I mean it. She's never going to get rid of me. Not now. Not ever. "I love you." I tighten my arms around her because I'm never letting her get away from me again. She's _mine_, and I'm _hers_, and we're BeckandJade and JadeandBeck.

"Love you too." I feel teh words more than hear them as they tumble out of her lips and over my skin.

And this moment?

It's perfect.


	5. Outtake One: Rejection

**AN: SURPRISE! and you thought I was done...Well, I was, but I digress. A couple of people mentioned that they'd like to see how Outofcontrol!Beck rejected Jade in "Jade Dumps Beck". So I went ahead a wrote it. Review, please, and let me know what you think.**

**Warnings: Language**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "Victorious"**

**Outtake 1  
Rejection**

She came back.

Thank god. Thank every god ever worshiped by man.

She. Came. _Back_.

She's leaning against my locker, her ice blues eyes meet my chocolate browns. _I'm sorry_, they say. But she doesn't say it. Because she's_ Jade West_, and she doesn't apologize to anyone. Not even me. And suddenly I want her to. I want to hear that this hurt just as much as it hurt me. That's she's lost without me. That there's no Jade without andBeck. Because I've been dying, and I need to know that she needs me.

"I want coffee." She drawls. This is Jade-speak for _I'm over it_. This is the part where I smile and fall back into the old routine like nothing happened. The part where I ask for the magic word, hold out until she grudgingly gives in, and then go to buy her some coffee. Two sugars, no cream. Dark but sweet. Just like Jade. There's just one problem.

_I'm _not over it.

She can't just do that to me, _break _me, and feel nothing. She can't break us and expect things to just _be okay _again. We are _not _okay. _I _am not okay.

"There's a kiosk in the courtyard." I say emotionlessly, and this time it's _me _walking away from _her_.

The moment I turn the corner, reality slams into me. What the _fuck _did I just do? _Why _the hell did I just do that? Am I out of my goddamned _mind_? Jade, _my _Jade, wanted me back. She was going to fix this. She was going to make us JadeandBeck again.

And I _walked away_.

Something very simliar to panic starts clawing in at my heart. It's _not _panic though, because I'm Beck and _nothing _bothers me. Not even this. Except my heartbeat is thundering in my ears, and my lungs are pulling in these weird shuddering little breaths that are doing absolutely nothing to stop the feeling of axphyxiation smothering me, and I'm pretty sure this is what a panic attack feels like. And I'm panicking over my panic, because everything justs _hurts_.

I walked away from Jade.

From my Jade.

From JadeandBeck

From everything that means anything.

From my _heart_.

My hand comes up of it's own accord and clutches at my chest. There's still that pounding muscle, that useless husk of blood and sinew. And it aches because every beat is hollow and empty.

The world just ended. There should be fire and expolsions and screaming and blood and death. Because everything is fucking _over_. Just like BeckandJade. Just like me. But there's just silence. Total, damning silence.

And the world ends.


	6. Outtake Two: It's All Part of the Act

**AN: Having a bit of fun with the concept of altering scenes from "Jade Dumps Beck" with my own version of Outofcontrol!Beck. So this is the RV scene between Beck and Tori where Tori asks him to get back with Jade.**

**Warnings: Language, minor-but-not-really Tori bashing**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "Victorious"**

**Outtake II**

**It's All Part of the Act**

Tori's here. She's looking at me, all smiles. I could have her. I could grab her right now, and fuck her senseless. Or make love to her sweetly, until everything that's me is lost in everything that's her. I could do that. And no one would even blink twice, because _Jade _left _me_. I could become Beckand again. I could be BeckandTori. If I wanted.

But I don't.

I almost wish I did. I wish I wished for Tori's soft smiles and tender looks. But I don't. I want sneering smirks and harsh glares. I want rough words and bruising touches that break me down and put me back together again.

I want _Jade_.

"You think I should get back together with Jade?" I tune back into the conversation, and my voice is incredulous because I know without a doubt that Tori absolutely does _not _want me to get back together with Jade. She hates Jade. And she likes me. More than she should like a guy with a girlfriend. Except I don't _have _a girlfriend anymore. So maybe that's why she's here. Does she want to be ToriandBeck? Does she honestly think I could do that? Just forget the last two years, and _be with _her?

It doesn't work that way.

_I _don't work that way.

"Uh-huh." She affirms, but there's a pleading in her eyes. It's not a _tell me you love me_, more like a _tell me you _don't _love her_. The honest answer is neither, but I settle for the middle ground because I can't bring myself to break character and just be myself. Not in front of Tori. Because what if she can't handle the truth of Beckett James Oliver? What if I'm alone again? Completely and utterly alone? What if I break again, and Jade's not there to pick up the pieces?

"You know what?" I say standing and looming over her. "I'm glad Jade and I broke up." And, geeze, I really am the best damn actor at Hollywood Arts, aren't I? The lie just flows right off my tongue, perfect and smooth.

"You're glad? Why?" There's a spark of hope in her voice now. She wants me to say it's because I want her. But it's not. I could say that is. I could be BeckandTori. It would take some learning but I could do it. I could keep up the act. I could just _pretend_. But I can't. Because she's not Jade, and I don't want anyone else.

"Because I can't remeber the last time she did one nice thing for me." This is true, for the most part. Jade is definitely not a giver. But I like that about her. I fell in love with her, with _all _of her. Not in _spite _of anything, but _because _of everything.

"Psh, didn't you just have a birthday? She didn't get you something for your birthday?"

"She got me a _can of lemonade_." I deadpan, invading her personal space. I want this conversation to be over. I don't want to deal with Tori Vega anymore. I don't want to keep up the act. I want Tori gone, so I can stop. So everything will just _stop_.

Tori blinks and looks up at me. I think she thinks I'm going to kiss her. I'm not. Because Jade may have left me, but I'm in love with her. Still faithful. Still hers. I'll probably be hers forever, even if she never even looks at me again. She's clawed her way under my skin and burrowed into my heart until all that's left is _Jade West_. There could never be room for Tori Vega. There could never be room for anything else.

I pull back, exhuasted by this little farce we've been playing out. "Go home, Tori."

She bites her lip like she's going to say more, but I don't want to hear it. I think that much, at least, filters through my facade and she sees it. She sees how tired I am. So fucking tired of walking around like none of this matters when it's the only thing that does. And she leaves. Says a quiet goodnight with a brief hug and is out the door.

I collapse on my bed, pull out one of the only pictures I have of Jade when she's smiling. I trace over her face with my fingers. God, she has the most beautiful smile. I miss her so much my whole body aches. I cradle the pillow she slept on last week in my arms and breathe in. It still smells like her, and for a second it's like she's back here with me. Back where she belongs in my arms.

For just one second.

**AN2: Hey, just realized that Tori never said she was there on Jade's behalf, so Beck doesn't know that this was Jade trying to get him back again. Which explains why he thought she was there to see if he was interested in her. Also, her crush on Beck shouldn't really be taken in a negative light. She's a girl, he's a boy, these things happen. It's not like she went all uber-slut and threw herself at him. Well, not in this fic anyways.**


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